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A thousand what ifs per second that pass through my thoughts
As hard as I try i can never seem to get you off my mind
Every second spent with you is an electric feeling of bliss
every second apart is spent thinking about you,
of all the possibilities.
Scenes from the past, present, and hopeful glimpses of the future race through my mind.
The dreams bring pain.
Yet they also bring a feeling of happiness, of wholeness.
A feeling i have only ever reached in my dreams.

The Girl That Was

There was a girl I once knew.
Outwardly she had everything.
The house, the clothes, the friends and family.
Well that's how it seemed.
In reality the house was a prison.
Looking warm, bright, and inviting to others
But for her it was a cold dark hell and she had no way out.
The clothes were a part of the mask she wore.
Only making her more self-conscious about  how unhappy she was.
But they worked.
She fooled everyone with nice clothes and a matching smile.
As for her friends, well she was easily replaced.
The expectations for her to be endlessly happy were slowly driving her mad.
Her family was more broken that shattered glass.
One wrong move and she was yet again the center of disappointment, shame, and brokenness. 
She slowly changed who she was.
The once chatty  young girl who enjoyed life began to withdraw, fading further and further into the shadows.
Soon she became just that- a shadow.
Nothing more and nothing less.
It was all so pointless. Why continue?
She struggled with the thought for days and weeks.
But could never get much farther than thoughts and plans.
Until that day.
The day he smiled at her and held her hand tightly in his.
That was the first day in a long time that she had the actual emotion behind the smile.
He didn't know it then and I'm willing to bet that he still doesn't, 
But it was his smile that saved her life.
He is her guardian angel.